Thoughts Following the Death of a Grandpa

Good Morin’ from Caddo, Alabama.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019 will always be one of the worst days of my life, and the worst day to date. I lost my best friend, partner in crime, and my biggest influence.

The loss of my pawpaw was sudden, but not in the usual way. In June he was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. We knew his odds were not good, but I, more than anyone, ignored the red flags that he wouldn’t be with me much longer. Even with the signs, none of us expected him to be gone 2 months after his diagnosis.

Sometimes I would wonder what life would be like after my pawpaw passed away, but it is nothing like what I expected. Here are the things I’ve learned and felt in this last week:

• You get excited about things differently. Every time something even slightly interesting happened to me my pawpaw was the first person I called. Even the things that are important to me, that most people find silly, he got so excited over just because he knew it meant something to me. I’ve started to call him so many times in the past few days. I still get excited about the silly things, but it just has a bittersweet sting to know we will never share the silly excitement again.

• Become close with your extended family if you can. My pawpaw has 6 living sisters, he had 11 siblings in total. The first people to come to my parents, grandmaw, and I were my great aunts and uncles. They loved on me, made sure I had PLENTY to eat, and cried with me. They loved me like my pawpaw would. I could never thank them enough for being the people I needed. The best part about a big family is the cousins that come with it. One of my best friends is my younger cousin. She checks on me and was there with a laugh when I needed it. It’s like having built in friends for life.

• There is a difference in a good friend and a true friend. Good friends check on you and stand in line to see you at visitation. True friends show up as soon as they can, come to the visitation and stay the whole time, sit through the funeral, and be there for your family as much as they are for you. On occasion they even sing your dad’s favorite song during the funeral. They stay with you when you’re having a break down, even if it makes them uncomfortable *Katie I’m talking about you*.
• Take all the photographs you can. My saving grace through this time has been seeing all the pictures of my pawpaw through his life and all the pictures of us through mine. It also helps if your grandfather is obsessed with pictures like mine was. Sometimes you may feel like it is an inappropriate time to take a picture, especially if the four wheeler is in the pool, but take the picture.
• Visit your grandparents. The greatest thing my parents ever did for me was make my grandparents my neighbors. The worst part about living that close to your grandparents is when they are gone, you feel the loss every single day. I saw my pawpaw nearly everyday, especially in the summer. He even put in a swimming pool because he enjoyed having his granddaughters there and always welcomed our friends. Even with all the days I’ve spent with my pawpaw I wish I just had a few more. Visit your grandparents. Call them, even if you think you’re to busy, because I promise you that you aren’t. Go see them, even if just for a few minutes, and do it as often as you can. You never know if the conversation about the Braves third baseman will be the last conversation you have.

• Know how to introduce yourself. Every time my pawpaw introduced himself he would say “Floyd Shankle, Caddo, Alabama.” He always told me it was important to make sure people remembered who you are and where you’re from. Being able to speak to people, and being able to speak in a crowd was a big deal for my pawpaw, and this is what gave me the courage to speak in front of a crowd of people. I could feel my pawpaw all around me as I spoke of how wonderful a man he was.

• You never know how small things can effect people in a big way. Nearly every morning for years pawpaw did a “Good Mornin’ from Caddo, Alabama, have a blessed day!” post on Facebook. It became on of his trademarks and his MANY Facebook friends loved it. Mind you, he was a social media influencer before it was cool. After his passing, people would write good morning post in his honor. One woman came to the visitation and told me that she had never even met my pawpaw in person, but they were friends on facebook and she could always count on his post to make her feel better. He retired from a paper mill in 2008 and has been a bus driver for the past 5 years, and apparently he was the ice cream man at both places. So many people had stories like that to tell me, and to hear so many people talk so highly of the man that would go above and beyond for me, was so sweet. He always wanted to do something to make someone else’s life just a little bit sweeter, figuratively and metaphorically.

• Never delete your loved ones voicemails. My pawpaw had the sweetest voice. It was kind but firm. All of his voicemails were short and rushed, because he was always in a hurry, and he always called me bug. When I got a new phone in 2016 I decided not to delete any of my family members voicemails. I have listened to those voicemails a hundred times in the last week, and it makes me feel close to him to hear his voice. Keep the voicemails, they will do you good one day.

Life since losing my pawpaw is not what I have expected. Trying to figure out how to do life without him is hard, but in death he has taught me so many things. I just want to do everything in my power to glorify not just him but the Lord. I’m just trying to take a tragedy and turn it into something beautiful.